So, Mrs. Lady Gaga, um, excuse me, Ms. Lady Gaga? Correct, right?
Gaga: I’m single…
Reporter: Is it true you cheated on Taylor Kinney…
Stefani: Yes, it’s true. But only after he cheated on me…
Reporter: And how did it end up?
Stefani: It was you and another guy.
Reporter: [squints] Was he black?
Stefani: It was disgusting. [beat] Yes, I’m a racist biotch. Is that what you want to hear?
Reporter: Were you beheaded?
Judge Judy: Allowed. Please lead this witness…
Reporter: I’ll repeat the question. [editor’s note: This was kept civil] Did you ever “feel” like you were beheaded?
Gaga: No, I’ve never felt that. But I have felt two heads with another man.
Reporter: Did you enjoy that feeling?
Prosectur: Objection your honor. She deflected that last question.
Judge Judy: Overturned. She answered the question correctly. Not get her off the stand. We’ll reconvine after lunch.
[now off record]
Gaga, did you go through any unwanted torture you didn’t want. I can put quotes around the word “unwanted” if you would like?
Gaga’s representative: Great question. WE usually answer questions for them.
Reporter: This is why we prefer tape recordings in person. Easy evidence that can be verified. Would you like this to remain anonymously tipped or stay unpublished?
Stefani Medlen: I own this magazine!
Medlen: I want a divorce.
Judge Judy: Stefani, you know owe medlen 5 million for punitive damages to his reputation. Would you care to plead the fifth?
Stefani: I’m no longer an editor, am I?
Medlen: Privileges were revoked two months ago. Too much tampering with the evidence. That’s a violation of an amendment right?
Judge Judy: We’ll reconvene in the morning. Case dismissed…
Next time on Judge Judy…
Medlen: She did it!
Stefani: I’m guilty…