And now for our favorite star!
Cue Law and order title and music!
Selena walks into bar. Sits next to Fassbender. Sweats slightly. Slaps hand on table.
Selena: Waiter, give me a 20!
Fassenbender looks over. Suddenly in cowboy attire. Selena has black dresss on, push up bra and cleavage slightly exposed.
Waiter brings over bottle of jack. Waits for tip.
Selena: Well, what are you waiting for? You gonna poor it?
Bartender looks disgruntled. Pours a shot.
Fassenbender: Not gonna put ice in that.
Selena: Double that. Put that on rocks! Slams down another 20.
Fassenbender smirks and takes small sip. :So what’s a gal like you doing in this bar?
Selena: Me, I’m just here to look cool. Guess who gets paid tho?
Fassbender: let me guess, teh writer?
cue law and order title.
And now a break from our sponsors!
Al Pacino walks on camera. Everyone could use a defense lawyer, just sayin’…
Fassbender swipes al away. Slide transition. Now, let’s get this straight. You’re saying you’re here to stop a bomb!
Mexican sombrero dude: Oi, did someone say bomb! [jumps behind counter]
Selena: slams another one back. I think I need a new line.
Fassbender shrugs. : We all need a gucci!
Selena: Now has gucci bag around arm: This is nice. [reaches in for cell phone] Mom, cancel dinner. I might have a new date.
Fassbender: I take it I’m not taking you home tonight.
Selena: Slams antoher down. [Make that a double]!
Fassbender: I’m impressed.
Selena: Shrugs, takes another swig. Gags a little from the heat. Oi mi corozone.
Two Mexican ambulance drivers rush in with cardboard ambulences. :Oi, did someone say mi corozone!
Selena: Awesome! Now I’m never going on a date.
Fassbender: If you want, i could get us outta here.
Mexican er dudes look at Rolexes. : We got all day.
Selena shrugs. Takes another swig. :Fuck it, let’s go.
cue: law and order title.
Al again: Just sayin’, everyone could use a good defense lawyer. Flames spit out behind him. Horns suddenly appear on head.
Fassbender now has horns: v.o. That’s when I knew I had her in my wings.
Selena now driving cool car with black and white background: v.o. These men think they can write my lines. Wait till I show them who’s boss!
Tony Danza: offscreen: Did someone say “who’s the boss”
Selena: No! I said who’s boss.
Tony Danza: Oh, I’ll wait to my next line.
Fassbender: How’s she gonna drive whn her leg can’t reach the pedal.
Selena: Pulls out phone from crotch. Under skirt. No suggestion. :Let’s call an uber.
back to bar. Selena has phone in hand. v.o. that’s how he gets, me , huh!
Fassbender: Just say something cool and make it look cool.
Selena: Shrugs again. I can do this anytime.
Quentin and Speilberg in rafters smile down to them. Mike behind counter.
Mike: Sure about that, ma’am.
Selena: v.o. No one’s ever called me a mrs. before. Is that him!
Fassbender: That’s the writer.
Selena: blushes through those cute cheeks. v.o.: God, he’s so dumb.
Med: That’ll be a rum and coke, correct.
Selena: I wanna go home.
Fassbender steps in: I’ll fix this. Just say you want to write yourself out of this again.
Quentin now behind bar.
Selena: v.o.: Whisphers, God, I’m ready.
Quentin: Sure aboutthat Mrs?
Fassbender shakes head laughing.
Selena pouts. You guys think I’m dumb, don’t you. Throws glass at counter. Glass bounces and hits Mexican behind her.
Selena: Dammit, I’m calling mom. Runs out of bar.
Fassbender: Well, that was quick.
cue to title screen. law and order music plays.