Staring into a canyon–
Veering off the edge of the road…
We sat in your living room watching
midgets film reality porn,
then you demonstrated how to cube a pepper as the steam
seeped out of the kitchen…
Before sitting with the Amish,
enjoying bread pudding for the first time;
you paid and complained you were broke,
then drove 40 miles west
just to prove you could afford it,
telling me how you missed us back in Toledo
and that Wal-Mart wasn’t as great as it should be
as I listened patiently–
waiting for our next meal.
We spent a weekend traveling
back roads of Arkansas–
just to get blueberry apple crisp
from a watering hole,
only to remember grilled mac and cheese was for lunch
As we sat there in silence and
pretended this was all nice…
wondering when would we sit at the five star
or just pretend we were close…
We sat in that living room for a month
as our midgets learned to drive a van–
I still can’t believe they have boots for that!
but then again this is America…
and that was HGTV…
Or how you bitched at about those fucking peppers
that I still can’t cube right,
because as a mother you never taught me,
and as an Aunt you were never there…
But still I love you.
And still I miss you.
Because sitting here in Toledo,
all that is shelter is a bedroom and webcam,
as I wonder how you survive.