Welp it’s been one week now being officially of disability and I’m starting to feel the pinch. It’s hard to explain how easy it is to get used to unemployment when you have a check coming in the mail every month. When I first got on disability over 3 years ago it was tough, almost b top b the pointy n of shock. I had been working since v the c age of 14, starting out as a elementary student tutor. From there I worked as bagger for a grocery store throughout high school, then I went off to college where I worked as a writing tutor.
After college I spent time in an HR department, then bounced between jobs until I landed at a Jeep factory in my hometown. That lasted for about a year before I started my own eBay business, which I was moderately successful at.
However, I put my eBay business on hold for a while to work full time for an internship with Ohio Together campaign, which was basically working for the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign here in Ohio.
I also worked with a non-profit, working on the company Break Chains Make Changes website where I posted updates on where the company was headed.
All in all, I stayed busy, even when I was collecting a check from the government. So why should I feel sad about this all of the sudden?
After the Clinton campaign I fell into a state of comfort. I used my free time to cook and work on this blog and basically follow every whim and desire I felt in my heart. Except I was never expecting to lose my disability status.
It’s weird. I was supposed to collect my monthly check on the 3rd this month but instead of having money get deposited into my account I received a letter stating my disability had been terminated due to a failure to respond to a letter I never received. The whole thing sounded fishy, and honestly it still does. I’ve been told this was done on purpose by people in the know, but I don’t understand why. Why couldn’t I have lost my disability check after I had found a job?
Asking that question hurts, especially when I know people who understand what’s going on. And yet here I am, bitter and resentful, now job hunting.
They tell me I should look for an administrative position because that’s basically what I’m qualified for. I have a year experience with data entry and interviews thru my stint on the Clinton campaign, and vouch for my communication skills via my position with the non-profit that I’m still involved with. All in all, it’s a win for experience and building a resume.
And yet I now worry I’m going for a position that has been traditionally handed down to women. Yes it sucks that I’m afraid of sexist bullshit in the year 2017, especially as a self declared feminist, and yet that’s just how I feel. I feel like I’m worth more than just a job designated for a “secretary” and yet I wouldn’t even know what to say I’m qualified for.
Where else do I go after serving an internship with a political campaign?
On the bright side, I am involved with a lawyer here in Toledo who is running for city council. It’s a volunteer position, usually one day a week, and yet it feels great to finally get involved in something beyond myself. I basically just do data entry, updating a list of contacts by using software that the democratic party supports, as well as getting free coffee for my endeavors. All in all it’s not a bad gig, but it also supports my claim that I’m basically qualified for an administrative position, no matter how much I don’t want that position.
So here I am, contemplating what to do next. My advisors tells me to go to a temp agency this Monday and start asking around about jobs. I know it’s the right move but it’s tough. What do I tell them I want to get involved in an office job for?
And what the hell is my endgame?
Honestly, I never had one. I went to school to be a high school teacher, and wound up working towards a nursing degree. Both endeavors fell thru, which is why I ended up on disability in the first place. I never had any expectations beyond that other than a reminder that I will eventually move to New York City.
But now I’m being told I need to pursue a job in politics, whatever the hell that means. Who pursues a career in politics other than power hungry nepotists? And where does that career path lead?
I know nothing about politics. I have no idea how the process works or what I’m getting involved with. But I do know that there’s a presidential race heating up, and that there’s always an election around the corner. And now I see myself being thrown into the mix, however much I don’t want to get involved.
And thankfully we’re in the backswing of the recession. Jobs are there for the taking. I remember a time when a job couldn’t be found, especially in an administrative position. Now I can search on google and find hundreds of positions. It’s a whole new world.
So the reality is I should be happy. I’m not disabled. I’m able to work. And now I have an excuse to get off my ass and make something of myself. I used to worry I’d end up homeless and stuck on disability, and now I’m finding out this isn’t the case. I just went to a soup kitchen today and got a free meal. Life is good, even when it isn’t.
Now if I could only convince myself to believe in that last sentence.