What a strange week it’s been. Whether it’s been talking to celebrities in my head or fighting with the government, one thing is for sure. Social Security finally kicked me off of disability.
Just to give some background information…I’ve been receiving a disability payment for 4 years for “Bipolar 1” disorder, one I’ve never been truly sure was accurately diagnosed. I’m convinced something more spiritual and powerful is going on in my life and refuse to accept that a mental disorder will define me.
And honestly, I’m kinda glad I’m off disability. Sure, it’s going to suck for a while, not having money and all. And I’ll probably have to get a bullshit job just to survive, but I’m also sick of being stuck on the government’s tit, always worrying about them kicking me off their program or congress cutting the budget. And fuck medicare. I’m sick of being on an insurance program that gives mental hospitals an excuse to keep me there longer, because they know they will get their money out of them.
It’s such a wierd time because I used to fight for universal healthcare, and now I’m torn about the whole damn thing. How do I defend a healthcare system when we have hospitals that literally do everything they can to suck money out of people? Maybe it isn’t just healthcare that’s broken, but the hospitals in general.
And honestly, that’s how I feel about disability. How can I defend a program that honestly doesn’t give people who are on it enough money to survive? I literally got a check for $972 in the mail once a month and was told to survive on that and 16 bucks in foodstamps. Get real people.
But now the real challenge comes. I received a letter in the mail from the social security office explaining that I didn’t fill out a form or something, which I know I did, and literally and getting kicked off the program. I know I could get back on and fight this charge, but the truth is I just don’t give a shit about it anymore. I’d rather be homeless in a men’s shelter than fight for this stupid check that just makes me feel worthless and degenerate. The reality is I don’t want it, and will suffer in the short term just to prove a point that I’m more than a stupid statistic. I’m more than a lazy bum leeching money off the government. I’m worth something, and it’s damn well more than a 1000 bucks a month.
So there you have it folks. I’m done with disability, and I’m now starting to improve this website to hopefully one day call it an honest to god magazine. I really want to get this site off the ground and hire some writers and make it into a full time gig. The problem now is getting it advertised. And that will take some money, money that I need to find.
So until we get to that point, I say no worries! And I’m going to keep fighting the good fight and not give into doubt and fear.