The greatest day beside X-Mas was upon us to the delight of all our inner 11 years olds. Yes, I’m talking about free comic book day–an annual event where we’re all geeks and fans, and not just of the films. I gathered towards my new favorite comic book spot Monarch Comics and Cards for some free merch and to buy the second volume of the Sex Criminals trade back. Along the way…
All your favorite Marvel heroes (poor DC) were on hand to shine their toned spandex covered butts in all their glory. Rogue was especially striking white her grey streak of lushness hair, along with Captain America and his unfortunate weight gain. But my favorite was Black Widow. Who couldn’t revel in her presence as she braved the ensuring humidity of May and its subsequent rising of temperature. People complain about the objectification of women in comic books but damn were those boots she was sporting hot.
Of course. I was really there to see my good friend Peter Parker frighten little children like the Easter Bunny (he’s really a childhood friend but just play along). I thought about pinching his Planet Fitness sculpted glute.
I arrived to the scene and was surprised to find the store open early. A line had formed outside the building and down the strip of the shopping center like a line for the [insert roller coaster name] at Cedar Point (a reference for all you Ohio dwellers). Fortunately the wait wasn’t long, and just as I was about to enter the door Spidey pulled by the collar for nice picture.
(That’s me in the fashionable yellow striped dress shirt if you couldn’t tell.)
Alas, after a friendly neighborhood chat I was left to go back to the end of the line, but not before the not Ryan Reynolds Deadpool hijacked my camera for some sexy poses.
Mm he looks yummy. Just like chimichangas.
As I entered the store for real this time I was smacked with the realization I might not be able to grab my trade back due to the radio station 100.7 The Zone. They had a table that was blocking access to the trade backs, and as I waited for the ant like procession to move, grew desperate. I looked toward the single issue new releases, a rarity for such a principled man as myself. I’ve always said I wouldn’t buy new comics because at 4 bucks a pop for 22 pages, they just aren’t viable on my SSDI check.
And then I saw Black Widow, and the fine print above the bar code: “Second Printing”.
Another reason I don’t buy new comics is because I don’t want to start reading them during the middle of a run. My owner of my other comic book shop, JC Comics, insists that you don’t need to start at the beginning of a series but can just jump right in. I admire the sentiment of getting lost in a work–a form of immersion if you will–but I feel that without brief summaries of who the characters are and their histories, it’s a moment where you must absolutely see the trees to appreciate the forest.
Which is why I was ecstatic to find issue no. 1 of this badass character. Black Widow is easily the best character of the MCU (barring Star Lord) and it’s about time she gets the attention she deserves.
Next, my eyes gazed across the first and second issue of Might Thor, a new series I’ve heard is an absolute must read. Again, dollar signs started popping in my head, and I grabbed the issues, got of line to put them back, got back in line, then said fuck it and got back out of line to grab them again. Such is the drug known as pulp.
As I made my way to the counter I was also able to get my coveted Sex Criminals, an odd obsession though because I still haven’t read volume 1. I had to sneak ghost myself out of line and past The Zone’s ill-placed advertisement. Volume no. 2 now in my hand, I realized I was now broke, $29.99 burned on a credit card.
There running the register was the man in pink rocking the grey newsboy hat. We struck up a hurried conversation about Black Panther and his new series. I remarked how the first issue reminded me of Whedon’s run on Astonishing X-Men, and we were both excited as hell about it, though the gentleman had for more knowledge about the Wikandian’s lore. After I mentioned how awesome the Panther’s costume looked in Captain America: Civil War, he recommended I check out an early series written by Christopher Priest. Intrigued and being pushed to the exit, I shout-asked if he knew of the comic was on the Marvel Unlimited App, a Netflix style service that Marvel Comics provided. He said that in fact it was, which was a delight to these cash strapped ears.
And so it was that my brush in with geek nirvana came to a close. Little did I know though that Alex Ross Spider-Man would come in for a hug just as I started towards my car, a mutual friendship kept secret from most readers. I told him he looked good and asked if I could just get one look at that marvelous ass. Begrudgingly he agreed and I could only look on with delicious fantasies.
And so ended my journey.
p.s. – keep looking cool kid